Rock Ruminations

My New Favourite Christmas Carol

2006-12-30T16:14:00.000-05:00

This is priceless...

Enjoy!

Happy Holidays

2006-12-26T11:26:00.000-05:00

A happy holidays to you and your's, particularly all of those lucky individuals who get to celebrate the holidays in Newfoundland and Labrador.

Remember, you can always tell the Newfies in heaven, they're the ones that want to go home!

Statistics for November

2006-12-02T07:22:00.000-05:00

Anyway, this past month there were 91 unique visitors: 78 first timers and 13 repeat offenders for an average of 3 visitors a day.

These visitors came from the Canada, the United States, the United Kingdom, and Germany.

Until next month...

Tags: blog, blogging, blog

Imagine That!

2006-11-27T10:47:00.000-05:00

Not sure where I found this, but... [Not sure why the formatting isn't working]

Your results:

You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man		65%
The Flash		60%
Superman		55%
Iron Man		45%
Hulk		40%
Robin		37%
Supergirl		35%
Green Lantern		35%
Wonder Woman		30%
Catwoman		30%
Batman		20%

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

To Be Suspected I Guess

2006-11-22T21:05:00.000-05:00

I found this from Dr. Four Eyes in his entry You like me! You really like me!. Apparently it came from this entry, which you can use to find out how you rank, courtesy of Musey Me.

I Would Have Hoped For More

2006-11-10T23:32:00.000-05:00

I got this from vegreville (see is entry No surprise, eh).

You are 87% Canuck!

You rock, you are an almighty Canadian through and through. You have proven your worthiness and have won the elite prize of living in a country as awesome as Canada. Yes I know other countries think they are better, but we let them have that cuz we know better than they do, eh?

How Canadian Are You?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Statistics for October

2006-10-31T20:48:00.000-05:00

Anyway, this past month there were 75 unique visitors: 65 first timers and 10 repeat offenders for an average of 2 visitors a day.

These visitors came from the Canada, the United States, the United Kingdom, and Japan.

Until next month...

Tags: blog, blogging, blog

And I Thought One of Me Was Enough!

2006-10-27T10:29:00.000-04:00

I got this from http://rebecca-goetz.blogspot.com/2006/10/yikes-would-other-rebecca-goetzes.html.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
238
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Apparently, some interesting tidbits:

There are 3,961,085 people in the U.S. with the first name Michael.
Statistically the 4th most popular first name.
99.55 percent of people with the first name Michael are male.
Names similar to Michael:

Micah
Mickey
Mike
Mitchell

There are 17,998 people in the U.S. with the last name Barbour.
Statistically the 1943rd most popular last name. (tied with 338 other last names)

Interesting indeed...

And Another...

2006-10-24T10:20:00.000-04:00

Okay, I should have gotten this up yesterday, but it just didn't get done in time. The lady on the right is my Nan Barbour (dad's mother). She turned eighty-three yesterday.

Like my Pop, there is a great deal that I have learned from my Nan, the greatest lesson has been how to care for others.

Happy belated birthday Nan!

Tag: family, birthday

Longevity

2006-10-22T20:59:00.000-04:00

This is my Pop Humphries (mom's father). He is 90 years old today. This picture was taken two years ago this coming Christmas (i.e., Christmas 2004).

Born during the middle of the First World War, he's seen a lot in his lifetime. More than that though, after his second heart attack I watched him undertake what can only be described as an almos complete change in his lifestyle - from hobbies and actions to eating habits. For a man that had been so set in his way for years to undergo such a change was both remarkable and inspiring.

Thinking about being up in Newfoundland with him today makes me a little sad for home, but I know that he'll still be ther when I get up there sometime in 2007.

Happy Birthday Pop!

Tag: family, birthday

Finding Closure

2006-10-17T09:16:00.000-04:00

Well, it has been some time - three months in fact - since I had my final good-bye to my companion. That time has been one of trying to simply move things to the back of my mind and focus on other things because when I think about it, it still makes me sad.

Today I finally decided it was time to face it again. Good Shepherd Pet Services has a web page that lists all of their pets and their dates. Natasha can be found at:

http://www.goodshepherdpet.com/July_2006.htm

The allow owners to write something to be added to the page next to their pet's name. Today I finally had the [insert appropriate word here] to sit down and think enough about it to send something off.

I can still remember when my friend told me that she had found the perfect pet for me. Little did I know at the time that this young stray would also become the perfect companion. For many years it was just Natasha and I, alone but yet together - keeping each other company and providing support to one another. She was playful and lovable, and seemed to know exactly what mood I was in and adapted her actions accordingly. Even in her final days, which must have been troubling and painful for her (not knowing what was happening to the body that she relied on), she was still my constant companion. Rest now my little girl, you'll always have a special place in my heart.

According to the website it should appear in a week or two. She deserved so much more, but this is the best that I could come up with.

Tag: cat

Statistics for September

2006-10-04T21:20:00.000-04:00

First of all, let me say that I appreciate those people who contine to come to this blog, even when I haven't been updating it that much in this past month. I have been busy working on my dissertation, a post-doctoral fellowship application, and five presentation at AECT and three at the Virtual School Symposium. I will be honest and say that October probably won't be much better, although as I have mentioned there are at least two entries that have been eating away at me that I'll need to make in the coming week or two or three.

Anyway, this past month there were 71 unique visitors: 63 first timers and 8 repeat offenders for an average of 2 visitors a day.

These visitors came from the Canada, the United States, and the United Kingdom.

Until next month...

Tags: blog, blogging, blog

Bad Hockey Logos

2006-09-20T19:53:00.000-04:00

Okay, I found this courtesy of my friend over at vegreville - worst hockey logos of all time. Being a Canadian and true hockey fan, I couldn't resist.

Although I'm still trying to figure out how the old Vancouver Canucks logo from 1971 to 1980 didn't make the list. You be the judge!

There's another series of them here - http://www.bushparty.com/htms/hockeylogos.htm

Tags: hockey, NHL

Learn from Montreal... Again

2006-09-14T07:11:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it has been a week and a half and there has been this one entry that I have been meaning to make, then last night I had an idea for another post - which will come in a few days time - but this morning there is something that I just need to get off my chest.

As some of your know, prior to getting involved in teaching I came from a background in politics. In fact, I was a professional political organizer for four years working with a variety of Members of Parliament, Senators and candidates for office. Political issues are still near and dear to my heart, even though I try to divorce myself from them (as they serve me little use in the realm of education and I have my dissertation to be thinking about at the moment).

Almost seventeen years ago fourteen women were killed in Montreal in what became known at the École Polytechnique massacre. I was only in grade nine at the time, but I can remember the event quite vividly and it was probably one of the first major events that shaped my own political views. In addition to the impact that it had on me, it also helped to shape the current gun control legislation and firearms registry that we have in place in Canada.

Coming from a rural province, while I believed in the concept of gun control the people whom were part of my everyday life were much like the gun owners that were most upset with this legislation - hunters, collectors, and law-abiding citizens. It was something I was always torn over, but usually came down on the side of protecting the rights of many (to live in a society freer of gun-related crime) than to protect the rights of the few (the gun owners themselves). Part of that collectiveness that makes us Canadians I guess.

Now, however, after having been living in the United States for the past three years, there is no debate in my mind. Gun control and the registry of firearms are two measures that MUST be maintained. There is a reason why the gun-related crime in the United States is so out of proportion with other developed nations in North America, Western European, and Southwestern Asia - the rest of us have gun control legislation and the United States doesn't.

This past May, when I was back in Newfoundland collecting my data for my dissertation it was reported that the new fascist, I mean conservative government was getting rid of the firearms registry - no doubt the first in a series of moves to revert to American-style gun control (as our unmandated Prime Minister seems to look up to his unduly elected American counterpart).

Let the events of yesterday in Montreal serve as a reminder that events like these are a common occurance in the United States - and the reason for that is because of the current regime of gun control, including the firearms registry, that we have in Canada. Can you really put a price on public safety and isn't what you are proposing Prime Minister Harper too high a price?

Tags: Dawson College, Montreal, Montreal Massacre, gun control

My First Cassette

2006-09-03T11:06:00.000-04:00

If I had to produce a cassette today for Rock Ruminations, this is what it would look like:

Not sure where I found this now, other than it was a post by someone in my Bloglines, probably Vegreville. Cute nonetheless.

Anyway, you can use this little tool yourself at Cassette Generator.

Tags: blog, blogging, blog

Stats for August

2006-08-31T23:52:00.000-04:00

This past month there were 62 unique visitors: 52 first timers and 10 repeat offenders for an average of 4 visitors a day.

These visitors came from the Canada, the United States, Mexico, France, Singapore, Poland, and Nigeria.

Until next month...

Tags: blog, blogging, blog

Bloglines Update

2006-08-22T12:25:00.000-04:00

Okay, you may remember that I started back in May trying to clean up my Bloglines account. At the time I started, I had "well over 250 feeds that produced some 800 to 1000 entries a day, down to just under a 120 feeds now producing about 400 to 600 entries a day."

Well, as of today I have exactly 100 feeds (I did have it down to 99, but needed to add one for some of my teaching this semester). I am averaging only about 50-80 entries a day from those 100 feeds. I have even managed to get some of the 137 saved entries that I had put aside to blog about at later dates down to about 63 now, and hoping to decrease that number even more before the end of the day.

This is a good place for me now, because even if I miss a day or two of checking my Bloglines, it is still at a managable number of new messages that I can actually skim the content of all of them and not just mark them as read.

Tags: blog, blogging, blogs

St. John's in New York

2006-08-19T10:10:00.000-04:00

I think it was the VOCM site, or maybe through a forward that I came across this news item. Just reading it makes you feel good to be a Newfoundlander and a little homesick for the island. The original article was (and may still be) available at http://travel2.nytimes.com/2006/07/28/travel/escapes/28hours.html?pagewanted=print. Take a read and rememberwhat a great place Newfoundland really is.

July 28, 2006

36 Hours

St. John’s, Newfoundland

By JEFF SCHLEGEL

FOUNDED in the late 16th century, St. John’s was already a settlement when New York City was a mere gleam in the eye of European colonizers. Cod was once king here, but now it’s the offshore oil industry that is pumping cash and confidence into this quirky city of nearly 100,000 that sits at North America’s easternmost edge. Icebergs, whales and puffins pass by in summer. And the typical friendliness of Newfoundland and Labrador comes with a decidedly Irish twist — many locals speak with the thickest brogues west of Galway. George Street is the North Atlantic version of Bourbon Street in this attractive city where brightly colored row houses cascade down toward the harbor. With its steep streets, devotion to the arts and stirring views of the harbor and surrounding hills, St. John’s calls to mind a smaller but earthier San Francisco.

Friday

3:30 p.m.
1) TITANIC, BUT NO DICAPRIO
An ideal first stop is Signal Hill, above, a rocky sentinel that overlooks the entrance to the harbor. Before reaching the top, though, visit the Johnson Geo Centre (175 Signal Hill Road, 709-737-7880; http://www.geocentre.ca/), where one exhibition tells the tale of the Titanic’s sinking 350 miles off the coast of Newfoundland. Shake your head in disbelief as you read how the ship’s owners neglected safety in favor of luxury and how they refused to equip the ship with enough lifeboats because it would “clutter up the deck.” Atop Signal Hill looms Cabot Tower, a castle-like structure next to where Marconi received the first trans-Atlantic wireless message in 1901. And if you had to pay — which you don’t — the sweeping view of harbor and city from the lookout would be worth the price.

6 p.m.
2) RELAX, TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES
The sophisticated St. John’s dining scene is traditionally centered on Water Street, but exciting newcomers have opened elsewhere. Waitresses at Taste of Thai (179 Duckworth Street, 709-738-3203) welcome patrons with a sawadeeka greeting — hands pressed together and a slight bow. The restaurant sizzles with spicy curry dishes and a tasty cashew chicken (14 Canadian dollars, or $12.60 at 90 American cents to the Canadian dollar). Sit at Western-style tables and chairs, or take off your shoes and sit on floor cushions at low traditional tables.

8 p.m.
3) OFF OFF OFF BROADWAY

Take in a play at the Resource Center for the Arts, the focal point of the city’s arts scene. Housed in the former Longshoremen’s Protective Union Hall (3 Victoria Street, 709-753-4531; http://www.rca.nf.ca/), a large 80-year-old building with a big pink, white and green flag — a 19th-century symbol of Irish assimilation in the area — painted on the front, the center plays host to theater, dance and art shows ranging from experimental to traditional; it promotes emerging artists in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador.

10 p.m.
4) HAVE A COW, MAN

For a post-show treat, visit Moo-Moo’s Ice Cream (88 Kings Road, 709-753-3046), a boxy building painted a mottled black and white in dairy-cow fashion. The store makes more than 300 flavors of ice cream in its basement factory, including Fish Pond, which blends the leftovers from that day’s production. Turtle cheesecake — a mix of cheesecake, Oreo crumbs and English toffee — is among the most popular. “We’ve had lines out the door and around the corner,” said Ruth Ryan, an employee.
Saturday

9 a.m.
5) MUFFINS, YES. HAMMERS, NO.

Fuel up on coffee and homemade baked goods at Auntie Crae’s Specialty Foods (272 Water Street, 709-754-0661), in a 100-year-old building that was once a hardware store. The partridgeberry muffins — a Newfoundland treat — are just 75 Canadian cents each. Buy the local newspaper, The Telegram, and take your food to the common room, a cozy space with wooden floors.

11 a.m.
6) SEA LIFE

After breakfast, drive about half an hour south to Bay Bulls (Highway 2 south to Highway 3, which merges into Highway 10 south). Gatherall’s Puffin & Whale Watch (Northside Road, 709-334-2887; http://www.gatheralls.com/) is one of three eco-tour operators in town that ferry passengers to the Witless Bay Ecological Reserve, a group of offshore islands that in summer are host to 2.5 million mating seabirds, including about 500,000 puffins. Whales also appear in the bay during their summer migration and, if the currents are right, you might see an iceberg or two floating down from Greenland.

3 p.m.
7) PROVINCIAL, BUT THAT’S O.K.

It’s hard to miss the Rooms (9 Bonaventure Avenue, 709-757-8000; http://www.therooms.ca/), a huge museum and art gallery that towers above the city from its hilltop perch. Opened last year and designed to resemble traditional Newfoundland fishing rooms where families processed their catch, the Rooms combines the Provincial Museum, the Provincial Art Gallery and the Provincial Archives under one roof. The spotlight is on artists from Newfoundland and Labrador and from throughout Canada. Unofficially, among its the best displays is the view of the harbor’s meeting the Atlantic at Signal Hill.

5 p.m.
8) PEWS AND STOUTS

The Ship Pub (Solomon’s Lane at 265 Duckworth Street, 709-753-3870) is a classic watering hole with a laid-back vibe. There are several tables scattered about and a lot of old wood, including church pews set along the walls. It’s easy to belly up to the time-worn bar and chat up the barkeepers or the mix of locals ranging from artists to lawyers. “It’s just not a pub,” one customer said, “it’s a living room.” After a drink or two, it’s time for dinner. Restaurant 21 (21 Queens Road, 709-576-2112) is a slightly upscale corner restaurant on a residential street up the hill. The menu is seasonal and includes a smattering of organic items, like the delicious organic pork loin, blue cheese and double-smoked bacon with spinach au gratin, tomato basil pesto and red onion sauce (24 Canadian dollars). Bread comes with intriguing butter options, like barbecue blueberry and strawberry kiwi.

9 p.m.
9) PLEASE, NOT ‘DANNY BOY’

George Street is party central in downtown St. John’s, a stretch of pedestrian-only mayhem jammed with loud bars, dance spots and clubs for Irish music. On a recent Saturday night at Bridie Molloy’s Pub & Eatery (5 George Street, 709-576-5990), an acoustic trio played to the occasional accompaniment of an Irish step dancer. Over at O’Reilly’s Irish Newfoundland Pub (15 George Street, 709-722-3735), a band with electric guitars played a more raucous set of Irish-tinged music. The music starts at about 10:30 p.m. and throbs late into the night. But whatever you do, avoid the hokey organized pub crawls.
Sunday

10 a.m.
10) IS THAT EUROPE YONDER?

You can’t get much farther east in North America than Cape Spear National Historic Site (709-772-5367). Follow Water Street southwest, turn left onto Leslie Street and look for the sign for Cape Spear Drive. The nine-mile drive passes through rugged terrain until it meets the ocean. There are two lighthouses — the original from 1836 and one built in 1955. You can pick up the East Coast Trail (http://www.eastcoasttrail.com/) at the parking lot and hike south along the high sea cliffs.

1 p.m.
11) COD TONGUES, ANYONE?

Velma’s Place (264 Water Street, 709-576-2264) specializes in healthy helpings of traditional cuisine. An appetizer of cod tongues with scrunchions, or fat pork (8.95 Canadian dollars), and a meal of baked cod au gratin (10.95 Canadian dollars) or fish and chips made with cod (two pieces for 9.95 Canadian dollars; three pieces for 10.95 dollars) is as Newfoundland as it gets. Home-cooked food is the rule, and the hot turkey sandwich (9.95 Canadian dollars) is made with real roast turkey with dark meat, not bland deli meat. The strong taste will linger, even as St. John’s recedes in the distance.

THE BASICS

Continental flies from Newark to St. John’s twice daily. Fares start at $419. Car rentals are available at the airport.

The Murray Premises Hotel (5 Beck’s Cove, 709-738-7773; http://www.murraypremiseshotel.com/) is a downtown boutique hotel on the harbor; it has an electric fireplace, a Jacuzzi and a towel warmer in every room. Rates are 189 to 249 Canadian dollars (about $170 to $225 at 90 American cents to the Canadian dollar).

The Winterholme Heritage Inn (79 Rennies Mill Road, 709-739-7979; http://www.winterholme.com/) is a national historic site in a Queen Anne Revival house. Rates are 159 to 249 Canadian dollars.

Cantwell House Bed & Breakfast (25 Queens Road, 709-754-8439; http://www.cantwellhouse.nf.net/) is a stylish 1893 house with a third-floor porch that offers a fabulous view of harbor and city. Rooms are $90 Canadian dollars.

Copyright 2006 The New York Times Company

Talk about making it to the big leagues... :)

Tags: Newfoundland, travel, New York Times

Saying Good-Bye, Saying Hello

2006-08-04T18:06:00.000-04:00

Well, I've put off this post for long enough I guess. It has been three weeks now said I last saw my companion of the past decade. I won't lie and say that it has been an easy three weeks, nor can I say that it has been a horrible three weeks. Each day brings with it more good memories and less hurt. Having said that, there is still a great deal of pain in thinking about that day and even in many of the little things.

The last time I posted about my Natasha was three weeks ago (see She's Sleeping With The Angels). While our trip out of town was good, as it kept me busy which meant that my mind was occupied most of the time, it was still a difficult few days. The ride home on monday was tough and walking through the door for the first time was even tougher. Even now, like when I first came home, I often look atop my Montreal Canadiens throw that sits on our chair where she would perch herself waiting for Lisa or I to come home. I don't know if it is forceof habit or guilt over the whole situation, but I still find myself looking to that spot when I come home expecting or wanting to see her.

But with this sorrow their is also a little joy in our household. This is Charley. She was found as a stray downtown by friends of our's. I had been after Lisa for much of the past year to get a kitten (as early as two Mays ago in fact), I had hoped as a playmate and companion for Natasha. Given that Natasha was a stray when I got her, she had already had one or more litters of cats and I thought that nuturing her materal instinct would have been good. We got Natasha's diagnosis a day or two before we were supposed to pick up Charley, but the vet felt that a kitten in the home would do more harm for Natasha than good. As I didn't want to stress her out during her final days, the two of them never met.

I wasn't sure how I feel about this new addition, but still wanted to go through with it. Partly because we had committed to our friend, herself a cat person but already owning three, and partly because I still did want a kitten. It has been an interesting two and a half weeks with Charley. I have found that while she has adopted many of Natasha's old toys and things there are still things that I refuse to let her have or refuse to do with her - as they were Natasha's or mine and Natasha's things. When I get mad at Charley for being bad - which is often given that she is a kitten - I oft times call her Natasha, which makes me even more sad that m companion is gone.

I'm sure in time I'll have to face the same things with Charley, but for right now I'm trying to build a bond with her while I still remember Natasha.

Tag: cat

Stats for July

2006-08-02T20:06:00.000-04:00

Well, it has been a tough month and I apologize these are a couple of days late. This past month there were 128 unique visitors: 90 first timers and 38 repeat offenders for an average of 4 visitors a day.

These visitors came from the Canada, United States, United Kingdom, Mexico, France, and Japan.

Until next month...

Tags: blog, blogging, blog

Now This Is Kind of Funny

2006-07-17T20:13:00.000-04:00

Okay, more on Natasha and finally coming home tomorrow - can't really get myself to write anything right now.

But hey, I found this on the side of Dale Kirby's blog, Cove Blogger.

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Peaceful Spear of Mindful Forgiveness.

What's yours?

Tags: blog, blogging, blogs

She's Sleeping With The Angels

2006-07-14T22:58:00.000-04:00

These guys must be suckers for punishment, they keep coming back.
Originally uploaded by mkb_nf.

I can't recall the first time I heard that saying, but I know that I was a young child when I did. For whatever reason, I always found that a comforting notion.

I'll be honest and say that I have never really lost anyone that close to me. I had two great grandmothers who passed away when I was a single-digit age. I did lose a great uncle who I was very close to, but he went both fast and unexpectedly in a car accident. Natasha was even the first pet that I lost.

Last night I stayed up with her for most of the night, just watching her, talking to her, spending time with her until shortly after 3:00am. I was up again at 6:20am to spend her last few hours with her.

The actual visit to the vet was odd. I carried her inside in my arms, we laid her on one of her blankets and talked with the vet for a few minutes. He took her back to put in an IV-type thing and brought her back out to us. We got to spend as much time as we wanted with her, which wasn't that long as it turned out. I guess after spending so much time together the night before, I had said most of my good-byes and within a few minutes gave the vet the go ahead.

It only took about thirty seconds or so, she appeared to be asleep and then the vet said that she was gone. Out of the whole process over the past few weeks, that was the most difficult. A copleof things about it really bothered me (and kind fo continue to haunt me). The first was that one of her eyes didn't close, which bothered me because I thought that her eyes would be closed.

The other thing that bothered me was just looking at her after she was gone. We didn't stay that long afterwards, the vet told us we could stay as long as we wanted, but we were only there for three or four minutes. As I rubbed her head and down her back, kissed her on top of the head, I finally understood the term "lifeless body." I've seen people who have died in the past, I've seen dead animals too... But in looing at Natasha after she was gone, it really was a lifeless body.

Natasha was an active cat (see you can see from the picture). That particular at toy got a lot of work, as she would play with it for ten and fifteen minutes at a time, four to six times a day - in many instances so aggressively that she'd knock the entire thing over. We had this laserpointer that she would chase the red spot around the floor, even up the walls. Every Christmas morning she would spend the morning, sometimes the entire day, attacking and chewing up all of the Christmas wrapping - for that matter she'd do the same thing every time I'd ball up a piece of paper and throw it towards the trash basket and miss (and in a Ph.D. program, that's where a lot of my writing ends up).

In addition to her energy, she was also a very loyal cat. I've talked about how it was just Natasha and me for such a long period of time, and that seemed to cntinue to be an attachment with her, even after Lisa came around. If she was sitting up on the top of her chair (which was also know as our rocker which we haven't sat in for pretty much the last two and a half years). and I came into the living room and sat on the floor to watch television, she would get up and come over and sit next to me so I could scratch her head or her belly. If she was sitting next to Lisa while she was scratching her under the chin, if I got up and left to go to another room, she would leave Lisa and follow me into the next room and settle down where ever I was.

During the course of the day after it happened, we tried to keep busy. We actually left town altogether to try and keep our (mainly my) mind occupied. It has been good actually, when I have been seeing things, watching things, or visiting things - even doing work, reading, and watching television - it has only been in the back of my mind. When I stop, I tend to get lost in my thought about her and that is when I don't do so well. During one of the times that I wasn't doing so well, one of the things Lisa said to me did resonate with me. She told me that "Natasha had lived as good a life and that I had treated her better than some people treat their children." For whatever reason, that made me feel a little better.

One of the things that my wife gave me was a copy of this poem that someone at work gave her for me. It appears to be a common one when you Google losing a pet. It reads:

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Regardless if it is the rainbow bridge or when it is finally my time to be sleeping with the angels (hopefully not for quite some time yet), I do hope to see my little friend again.

Tags: cat, Flickr

Our Last Day

2006-07-13T07:48:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
Originally uploaded by mkb_nf.

Well, today is our last day together. Right now Natasha is walking around the top of my desk as I type this. I don't normally let her jump up here, as my transcriber is there and she likes to chew on the headphone wire, but today I just move it somewhere else. Today she can do whatever she wants.

Over the past few days you can tell that her breathing is probably more difficult.. Her belly moves more with each breath and when she is lying on her back you can hold your ear to her belly and actually hear the fact that she is probably struggling a little.

On the outside, minus the more pronouced physical action of her belly when she breaths, you wou;dn't know she was sick. The things that the vet said would indicate that she had moved from mild discomfort to pain, stress, and even panic (i.e., coughing and not being able to catch her breath, making a sound whe she breaths, and open mouth breathing) still haven't occurred. But I know that it is time.

She still isn't eating a lot, even though we are still able to get her to take her steriods, which are supposed to help her appetite. It is a challenge to make sure that she is getting what I think is enough food and water. I'm glad that the wet food that she does eat always has lots of sauce or gravy in it, as it is the water that I have been most concerned about.

Not sure how the day will unfold for me, thus far I haven't been the pillar of strength (and I've only been away for about 90 minutes). I'm kind of glad that it is just the two of us for most of the day, as Lisa is working again today. I have a couple of afternoon meetings myself, which will take me away from her for about two and a half hours, but other than that it is just me and her one last time.

Tags: cat, Flickr

D-Day Looms for Natasha

2006-07-12T16:55:00.000-04:00

Wake me up when you've got something for me!
Originally uploaded by mkb_nf.

Well, we decided earlier this week (actually shortly after I posted Eight Days In ) that Friday morning was time. We have our appointment scheduled at the vet's office for 8:00am. So in less than forty-eight hours I wil be losing a companion that I've had for pretty much all of my adult life.

It's been tough, these past two weeks. And the past two days have been kind of odd. Some moments I'm okay with the whole situation, knowing that it really is for the best, then there are other times that I am just a wreck.

The biggest difficulty that I have had during this entire process, right from last August when we found out that it was cancer, that the mass was active, and based on its size that she had about a year, has been guilt. For upwards of a year, maybe more, I was aware of that lump in her belly - I could feel it underneath the skin. At the time I chaulked it up to the fact that she was getting old and it was probably a calcium deposit, like th kind of family dog has gotten (as she's sixteen or so now).

I feel guilty because had I brought her to the vet earlier, had they removed the mass earlier, there would have ben less of a chance that cancer cells could have spread into her body. A mass of less than 2cm means an expected lifespan of two to five years. A size of 2cm to 5cm means about a year and more than 5 cm indicates six months or less. Natasha's was in that middle category.

What if I had brought her earlier and they had caught it sooner. Two years wouldn't be up yet, five years would still be a long time away. For a cat her age it may have even taken us the course of her natural life.

But I guess it is too late for "what if"s at this stage. I have about forty hours left with my kitty (as they'd say down here in the south). I'd like to spend it with her lying on my chest and me scratching her head the entire time - but alas life will get in the way: the need to sleep, a couple of meetings at the university tomorrow, plus there is always the fact that Natasha has always been cuddly only on her terms (i.e., when she is in the mood).

To watch us over the past few days it would have been kind of funny to an outsider. I've been doing a lot of work on my laptop in our home office. I'd start the morning in the cushy, comfortable chairand she'd start the day lying on the floor. Before too long she'd jump up on a second metal chair in the office, with only a half or quarter inch of foam for support. The first time I'd leave the office, she'd jump down out of her chair and up into mine - the cush, comfortable one. When I'd return, knowing the fate that awaits her, I haven't had the heart to push her out of the comfy chair so here I sit on the hard metal one. :)

A little something to make me smile in a week that hasn't seen many of them...

Tags: cat, Flickr

Eight Days In

2006-07-08T12:17:00.000-04:00

Where Did I Leave that Article?
Originally uploaded by mkb_nf.

Well, that "days, maybe a week or two" that I told you about in How Do You Say Good-Bye? continues. We are now on day eight.

Thus far Natasha's appetite and her behavior have remained fairly consistent, minus of course Lisa's troubles outlined in Natasha- the superior being!

I know that I've spent most of te past week by her side, with the exception of Monday and Wednesday when I had to go into the university for a few hours and then the fourth of July, when I was gone from about 1:30pm to 9:30pm. I've either just sat and watched TV, read a little, or spent time on the computer - but regardless Natasha always seems to be less than five feet from me, and in most instances close enough to be in contact with me.

I know that this can't last much longer, and I still have no intention of letting her suffer. The vet told us last Friday that based on her chest x-ray, she was in a little discomfort (he likened it to the kind of chest discomfort we would feel if we had a really bad flu). In the vet's office, he got her to cough and then she started breathing with this raspy sound - distressed breathing he called it (probably due to both her condition and the stress of being at the vet). I've been listening for that all week long. She has only coughed three times while I have been here and awake (which has been much more time than I would normally have been). The first time was on Monday for 30-40 seconds and then she had distressed breathing for about two or three minutes. The second time was on Thursday for about 20 seconds, but she was fine afterwards. The third time was Friday for less than 10 seconds and, again, she was fine afterwards.

Lisa and I had talked about Monday being the day, but we've since pushed that back again... Tentatively to Friday now. In my own mind, I had concluded that when her breathing became regularly distressed or when her coughing was happening frequently, we'd call to make the appointment for the next morning (that way I'd get to spend one last night with her). Not being a vet, I don't know if that's selfish of me, but based on what I understand of what we've been told, those are the two signs at this stage that the fluid in her lungs from the cancer has become painful for her or that she has simply become too stressed about the situation. As I don't want to put her through that, those were my own warning signs (along with the normal ones: refusing to eat, going into secluded places and not coming out, etc.). But I can't seem to justify to myself picking a firm date until I see those signs, because I do want to spend as much time as possible with her.

Tags: cat, Flickr