Saying Good-Bye, Saying Hello

Well, I've put off this post for long enough I guess. It has been three weeks now said I last saw my companion of the past decade. I won't lie and say that it has been an easy three weeks, nor can I say that it has been a horrible three weeks. Each day brings with it more good memories and less hurt. Having said that, there is still a great deal of pain in thinking about that day and even in many of the little things.

The last time I posted about my Natasha was three weeks ago (see She's Sleeping With The Angels). While our trip out of town was good, as it kept me busy which meant that my mind was occupied most of the time, it was still a difficult few days. The ride home on monday was tough and walking through the door for the first time was even tougher. Even now, like when I first came home, I often look atop my Montreal Canadiens throw that sits on our chair where she would perch herself waiting for Lisa or I to come home. I don't know if it is forceof habit or guilt over the whole situation, but I still find myself looking to that spot when I come home expecting or wanting to see her.

But with this sorrow their is also a little joy in our household. This is Charley. She was found as a stray downtown by friends of our's. I had been after Lisa for much of the past year to get a kitten (as early as two Mays ago in fact), I had hoped as a playmate and companion for Natasha. Given that Natasha was a stray when I got her, she had already had one or more litters of cats and I thought that nuturing her materal instinct would have been good. We got Natasha's diagnosis a day or two before we were supposed to pick up Charley, but the vet felt that a kitten in the home would do more harm for Natasha than good. As I didn't want to stress her out during her final days, the two of them never met.

I wasn't sure how I feel about this new addition, but still wanted to go through with it. Partly because we had committed to our friend, herself a cat person but already owning three, and partly because I still did want a kitten. It has been an interesting two and a half weeks with Charley. I have found that while she has adopted many of Natasha's old toys and things there are still things that I refuse to let her have or refuse to do with her - as they were Natasha's or mine and Natasha's things. When I get mad at Charley for being bad - which is often given that she is a kitten - I oft times call her Natasha, which makes me even more sad that m companion is gone.

I'm sure in time I'll have to face the same things with Charley, but for right now I'm trying to build a bond with her while I still remember Natasha.

Tag: cat